Second Chances - Finchel
livenotmerelysurvive:
The children’s laughter rang through the street as Finn just narrowly managed to dodge them. Those kids were a menace but he didn’t really mind all too much. He figured it was because they let him play football with them when he was bored. After all, it was probably the only experience he would ever have being a father. It wasn’t something that he could foresee in his future at all, ever since his relationship with Rachel had ended. That specific relationship had been on his mind lately, with any attempt to bury it back within his mind quickly thwarted. Finn had recently decided that it was a result of reconnecting with his old high-school friends. They had all been so close; it was both amazing and disheartening how things had turned out. Sometimes Finn couldn’t help but feeling a little envious towards his friends, who seemed like they had gotten everything they had ever wanted. He knew that wasn’t entirely true and they work hard for it, but it was always something that he struggled with. All Finn had ever wanted was to be with Rachel, to grow old with her and one day be a father. He had prepared himself, wanting to make sure that his child wouldn’t know what it was like to grow up without a father.
When Rachel had left him, Finn hadn’t been able to cope. At first it was like he was going through a mid-life crisis, because for the first time since high school he had found himself without her at his side. He had no plan. At some point he had been so distressed he had considered trying to join the Marine Corps like in high school, but his close friend at the time talked him out of it. Finn just wanted to make something of himself. If not as a father, then as a war veteran with all these awesome stories he would live with for the rest of his life. This was as long as he survived, of course. Even then, he had considered that possibility and found no qualms with it. What was his life worth without the one person who had made him feel like he was something? Eventually, Finn needed to put on a mask in front of his friends and family because he didn’t want them to see how broken he was. At that point he had just stopped trusting people. Rachel had made him feel like he was doing something immensely wrong and that there was no way to fix what had been done. He could literally feel her slipping away from his grasp and it was the worst feeling in the world. That would stay with him for any relationship that he entered afterwards. There hadn’t been many, and they certainly hadn’t lasted very long, but there were enough that he was made very aware of what he was missing out on. However Finn hadn’t been able to full invest himself in those relationships because of it, and eventually they would realize it and break up with him. He just didn’t want to ever go through what happened with Rachel again, and so he held his feelings close to his chest. Finn wasn’t sure if he would ever let his true feelings show again, but hopefully one day he would be able to let go and just live his life like a normal person his age.
Almost as a second though, Finn quickly veered his path across the street so he could enter the grocery store. This walk had gone on longer than he had expected and his throat was parched. Plus he might as well grab something to eat because it seemed like his walk was going to last a while longer, and he didn’t know when he was going to be home. He quickly moved through the produce section, no longer needing to look at the signs labelling the aisles to know where he was going. There had been a time when the grocery store was almost foreign territory to him, and when Rachel had left it took him a few months to adapt. There had been so many times when he had glanced at a label too quickly and ended up with an interesting addition to his food that Finn learned that one should always read everything carefully before picking it up. It should have taken him less than a minute to grab what he needed and leave, but there was something different this time. Standing at the end of the aisle appeared to be someone he once knew. Not just anyone; the love of his life. Finn knew that there was no reason for her to be here, but then why was she right there? He had endured what seemed like an eternity since seeing her last, and yet at this very moment it felt like it had been only minutes. There was one incredibly noticeable difference however; one that left him confused and frustrated all at the same time. Rachel was pregnant.
Her heart felt heavy the longer she stood there glancing over all of her options. A feeling of paranoia sunk in as she took her time, the feeling like someone was watching her burned through her. Rachel hardly felt comfortable in her own skin as it was but as she stood there in the grocery store she felt more self conscious than ever before. Cautiously she glanced over her shoulder just to see if maybe she was right, one of those indulgences people often allowed themselves in moments such as these, but she nearly regretted it when she did. Her heart seemed to stop beating all together and she just stood there with a dumbfounded look on her face as her arms wrapped protectively around the belly she’d grown without her even realizing it. Finn Hudson was the one standing there. She was right the first time. It was the love of her life and her eyes weren’t deceiving her. For a moment or two she just stood there staring at him, trying to sooth the kicking baby with her protective embrace. She’d been a fool to think she could come to Albany and not have to really face anything. A complete and utter fool. Swallowing hard she turned completely so that her swollen belly was on display. He’d probably already noticed it, it was hard not to at this point, but she wasn’t even going to try to ease into this. There was no easy way.
“Finn.” She said his name so quietly Rachel wasn’t sure he’d actually hear it. Her heart seemed to be beating louder than her voice was when she spoke. After glancing to see if there was anyone around them she took a careful step closer to him so they could talk – if he’d even talk to her. She felt a deep blush creep into her cheeks for assuming he’d actually talk to her. Sam had said he’d cared, that had to mean something didn’t it? Her eyes looked anywhere but up into his as she stood there awkwardly cradling her stomach and avoiding any sort of eye contact. Even though she refused to really look at him she could tell he looked good. Just as perfect as ever with a little wear and tear around the edges. It had been two years since she’d been able to allow herself the luxury of looking at him and it was killing her as she stood there in complete embarrassment with her arms around her stomach. “It’s nice to –” she couldn’t finish her sentence then because what was she going to say? This wasn’t just an old friend from high school that she’d run into, this was Finn Hudson the love of her life. Finn Hudson the man that she’d let go without a real fight. Rachel shut her eyes tightly as a new wave of memories crashed over her. All of the fighting, the talk of marriage and a future together, her choosing her career time and time again… As she thought about it all she felt ashamed and fought the memories until she was able to open her eyes again.
“How have you… How have you been?” she asked quietly and finally brought her gaze up to meet his. It felt like it had been much longer than two years since she looked into those eyes. With the way things had been before they broke up it probably was. She tried to block out the end of their relationship from her memory in the few moments that she ever allowed herself to think of it. Mostly she just tried to focus on Broadway. That was the reason why they’d split up so she thought it only fitting to drown in it. Now that she wasn’t in the show she spent all of her time preparing for the baby and watching musicals with Bryson. He was good to her, but he wasn’t Finn. Most nights she dreamt of being pregnant with Finn’s baby. It felt right to her in her dreams. As much as she loved the little bundle of joy growing inside of her she wished that she’d never hurt Finn. Her heart just didn’t beat right anymore. Not since she let him walk away without an honest fight. The longer she stood there looking at him the more she realized asking him how he’d been was a completely stupid question. If he wanted to talk to her at all she was going to have to explain herself.
(Source: thelifethatiknew)